Letting Go
by Secrets-0f-dreams
Summary: Sam just couldn't move on. Yellow Eyes was running free and here he was, at a graveside with the love of his life six feet under. Every night she haunts him and every day he can't stop thinking about her. Will he ever move on?


For the first week he kept seeing only her face. Her scared, no, terrified expression as the blood that gave her life slowly left her body. Every night the scene seemed to go slower, torturing him whilst he was rooting to the spot, trying to get to her but unable to do a single thing. He couldn't even call out to her, tell her how sorry he was and that he loved her. This went on and on, and every time he woke up drenched in sweat and screaming her name, her face fixed in his mind.

It wasn't until he'd confronted Yellow Eyes again and lost him that the dream changed, and he started to picture the both of them in different scenarios. Parties, family dinners, dates. Even their own wedding. They all started off well enough, them kissing or hugging, laughing along with friends, but towards the end she'd turn to him and her face would fall, tears would well up in those sea blue eyes and she'd ask him why he didn't save her. Then the blood started to flow and she would die, every night, in his arms.

The worst one was dreaming of her giving birth. He had two bodies to hold that night –this had him sobbing into a pillow for three hours.

Eventually, Dean started to notice his brother's decline –the dark circles and red rimmed eyes, the weight loss and his constant flinching as if an appalling scene was playing over in his head. Taking Sam aside he held him by the arms and demanded he tell him what was wrong, so worried was he that Sam could see the tears in his eyes, threatening to fall. This struck a chord in Sam, he had never seen his brother so emotional and it made something inside him crack. After he told Dean through many stifled tears, they sat in silence and it wasn't till an hour later that Sam realized Dean was still holding him tightly.

From then on Dean would be there when Sam woke up; made sure he ate and took extra turns to sleep. He knew Dean feared losing another family member and tried not to complain when the coddling and the questions got overbearing, and as it was it sort of helped, for the dreams became further apart and didn't always end in that drastic way.

When he made peace with her at her grave, that's when they finally began to change and he began to dream of her beautiful face in the sunlight. She would tell him it was okay and that he should move on, but he knew he couldn't let her go until her death was avenged, so he revelled in the moments he had with her –even if they weren't real –and slept better than he had in months with her by his side. She made him stronger with her love and belief in him, and he knew that he wouldn't have been able to get this far without her.

Though most of his visions of her were in his dreams, he did see her once. In the final battle with Yellow Eyes, when he felt his strength waning, he saw her out of the corner of his eyes. She was dressed in that yellow dress that made her look like an angel and was whispering something to him.

_Hold on_. She said. _You can do it Sam, you're not alone._

The image of her made him remember what he was fighting for, why he was fighting, and though it wasn't him who dealt the final blow he felt as if he'd got her justice. That night his dream was something else entirely and he knew from that, that it was time to say goodbye.

Kneeling down in front of the headstone with a bunch of wild flowers in his hand, he stroked the photo of her with his finger and smiled softly. There wasn't really anything to say when words couldn't express how he felt, but they'd never been one for long explanations and could usually understand each other by their expressions. If she was watching, Sam hoped she could read him and see just how much he loved her and every word that he was struggling to say.

After half an hour he decided he'd been there long enough, and got up to leave for what would be the last time. Sure, he might return someday, but not until he'd sought out his own path and rid himself of the guilt buried in his heart. He had to set himself free first and to do that he had to move on.

"Goodbye Jess" he looked up to the sky, "be at peace now. It's time for me to go" And with that he left. Ready to start a new beginning with Dean and fight whatever monster came across them, ready to start something that he hadn't been able to do since Jess's death.

It was time to live.

**Hi guys, this is just a little one shot on how I think Sam might go through the grieving period of Jess's death and how he moved on. Hope you liked it and please leave a review if you may as I would love to hear what you thought of this. If you would like to leave a fanfic request then please feel free to message me, there's more info on my profile on what fandoms I'm in.**

**Love Lolly x**


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